Battling From PMS/PMDD

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Do you ever have the time of the month where you just want to leave your life? Do you ever felt that pain where you don’t know how to ease? That’s PMS was.

I’ve been battling that for years now. I thought before, it’s a normal thing for women. Some of my friends have it too but mine is severe thing. There are those times that my mood alters so much, my appetite kicks in five knots that i craved a lot, too sleepy that i can’t barely control. My body aches everywhere, i have cramps that feels it takes my life back.

Every month, i encounter that. After 20 days from my last, the symptoms are coming back. Sometimes,  I keep track on my cycle to avoid severe pain. I tried a lot of natural remedies to lessen the pain. Some works a bit some not. So I even have painkillers in my medicine container, ready to  swallow.

In my first days, is  a battle, a battle of my physical endurance from the unimaginable pain. I spend my time almost in bed curling and moaning the agony, and gritting my teeth. That feeling when you don’t know where to touch, how to position your body to feel comfortable and the chilling feeling inside that brings sweat outside? It brings tears in my eyes. I don’t know how i endure that monthly. But what can i do? It’s already part of me i guess.

It bothers me more and more so i tried to research about it on the net. I discovered that it is not only just a simple PMS. There is a thing called PMDD or Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder in which i always encounter. It is a more severe PMS. Studies says that PMDD is a disorder among women suffering PMS. The symptoms of the thing that i thought a PMS  was thE symptoms of PMDD is.

I read that on one article that caffeine is the one beverage that needs to be stop. But as a coffee addict who drinks  5 glasses a day, i think it’s too hard for me to stop it. Coffee is always my beverage starter of the day. I feel not complete if i can’t drink before i start my work.That is why, when i have my cycle, i feel so moody, so sleepy and feeling that cramps. I feel angry at some point leads to mistreating others. I even feel so lazy to continue my life on. The pain. It makes me so weak.

At the end of the day, PMS is my thing to endure monthly.

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Letting Go Of Hatred

b-398561-emotional_girlFor so long, i keep a big amount of anger and hatred to people. Anger that starts on inconsiderately throwing a love one out in to a work place. It was so important to her, she gained friends, she earns money there and most especially she loved the job. Just because of one mistake. The people who we knew will protect her was the one who even pushed her. That was so devastating for a sister like me. I hoped but i failed.

I was so angry that time because they made my sister a subject of gossip and fired from work. I asked myself why? Why do people we expect to protect her was the one who even push her away and kicked her more? Anger sits in. Blames flowing. I told my sister, let them be, because there will be the time, they will experience what they did to her.

Months and years, our anger to these people never fades. We even worked hard to make our lives comfortable. We want them to know that we can stand up without their help.

The time comes, we heard a news. A news that at first made me think “SO NOW YOU KNOW.” What they did to us goes back to them. I know it isn’t right but that’s what i felt. I felt happy ’cause at last, they feel what they deserve. The saying is very true, DO NOT DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT YOU DON’T WANT OTHERS DO UNTO YOU. That’s the first time i felt relieved, BUT, at the same time, when all sinks in me, i felt sorry for them. I felt sorry that i prayed, all will be going well to them not like what we have gone thru.

I know it is not right to think ill things about others. Even i have a lot of grudges to people, there will always be a good side of me. I even think now that all the things happened in the past made us more strong and bond our family. Now, the anger subsides and i am teaching myself to forget. I don’t want that anger drives my life. Whoever did wrong to us, i will just lay down them to the lord. I am now tired of being angry. Life is unfair and i know that
now..

Totally Immensed in Wrestling

There is always this days of the week when i use to wait for a show. A show that full of nerve wreckkng, body slamming, punching and kicking on the ring. I am talking about Wrestling in WWE.04_WWE-TITLE-RENDERS-2I have been  a fan of that sport for years. For a woman loke me, it’s not likable to watch it because it’s a lot of violence on it but i LOVE it. Hahaha. I alwats start my week waiting for Monday Night Raw where i can watch my favorite Superstars like Jone Cena, Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler and a lot more. I also wait for the matches of all the Divas. My all time favorite is Aj Lee whom i always cheer everytime she face someone.

Watching all these Superstars and Divas makes my energy soar on its highest level. The punchings, kicking, slammings and throwing people around is a total entertainment for me. That’s totally weird but true. I can’t say entertaining if i don’t see someone being kicked or being thrown insode the ring. I am totally immensed into it everytime i watch.

At Friday Nights, i also wait for Smackdown to be aired. Still, a lot of things happening there. Superstars of their own games, storylines of their own. Storylines are a good factor into it. Acting is also a mass, because they can’t make people believe of what they are saying if they don’t act well. The top storyline i want was that of Stephany Mcmahon and Brie Bella, thr other half of the Bella Twins. When they slap each other, and put each other in jail is like a true to life story but not. People are so aggresive and totally hooked up on that storyline.

My friend once told me, i am so stupid to believe that all the fights are true. She don’t believe on it. She laughed at me when she caught me watching wrestling. The question is, it is really real? When you try to look at it, it’s kinda real but in the real world, when you see someone punched or kicked, surely it hurts badly right? Real or not, the important thing is, they entertain me and a lot of other people watching Wrestling. They do a lot of work making people happy and to give the best entertainment possible.

No matter what, i will always consider Wrestling as one of the best sports ever and i will always cheer to those Superstars and Divas in and out of the ring.

Unhappiness Sucks

Did you ever felt so lonely thinking of something you want but you can’t have? That feeling of emptiness inside and out. That feeling of unexplainable loneliness.

Okay. So i just came home from a lpng day off. I did nothing but spent the whole day with my friends and attended mass after. It’s raining when i went out from church. I feel so okay that time but when i came home, i sudenly felt terribly alone. I want something. I want… I want… Okay, i want a change for myself. BUT how? Thinking of it is easy but when i think of the outcome and the possibilities of things, i back out. What is that that i want? I won’t write here coz probably, just probably some of my friends will read this. That’s the one thing i’m so scared of. I don’t know why but i’m so scared of what people say about me or what people think about me.

That’s the weakness i have so far. Some people say and i say it to my friends too, don’t think what others say or think about you, but why? Why i can’t do it myself? Why it always matters to me what other say? Why i can’t be like others that never give a damn? *sigh*

I want to be happy on things that i want but as always, i can’t sometimes because i  think so advance. I feel so terrible and sometimes i see life so terribly unfair. Life is unfair or i am the one making it so hard? I have all the freedom but that freedom always have a wall that me myself made. Aaaaah. This sucks! It sucks so bad.

Typhoons Overload

Okay. Typhoons are not new to many most specially those who suffer  it everysingle year. I was born  experiencing typhoons not only once a year but a LOT to mention. Acording to the Us today, “The Philippines lie in the most tropical cyclone-prone waters on Earth, and rarely escape a year without experiencing a devastating typhoon,”  that is why.

Destructive ones always hit us, killing many and destroying a lot of properties. People goes insane when they hear a typhoon is coming in news agencies. Some follows preventive measures to prevent cassualties but some are too stubborn. What the hell? What is more imoortant? Your life or your house or animals?

Around 19 or less typhoons enter the PAR or Philippine Area of Responsibility every year but only 9-10 make land falls. But those that land falls always leave marks on to the regions and peoples lives. Some are undestructive some are killer typhoons. Wind males trees, houses, electrical post down. Rain falls give a massive water flows on below areas and even make dam water levels overflow causing floods. Some areas also have landslides .

The most destructive typhoon i remember is the typhoon Yolanda just last year (2013) killing thousands of people and making parts of Vizayas region, mainly in Tacloban City, in a disaster. Many was destroyed by that typhoon, living thousands of families homeless, helpless and all their source of income washed away. Seeing videos and photos of the destruction makes me feel weak. Bodies everywhere, people screaming for their unfound loved once, people crying jn desperations andthe view of the place is just un-imaginable.

One destructive typhoon also was the one name Undoy hitting this time Luzon Region. That was so devastating also leaving hundreds of people dead. I remember that time when i saw the news on the net of videos of people beeing carried by the strong flow of water, families crying for help on yop of their roofs. That’s so heartbreaking to watch.

Year by year, months by months, typhoons became our environmental enemy, it is like a mass destruction. It feels scary living into a typhoon prone area but what to do? I love my home country. This is an eye opening to everyone that we have to take care of our environment because sometime, it’s not the calamities that breaks us but the way we treat mother Earth. As i wrote this blog, another typhoon is currently hitting Visayaz region again, just the path Yolanda went through.

Save mother Earth and protect the people!

I Want To Fart, Can You Not Tell Others?

Telling someone something so embarassing is a courage. Mostly, only the people who knows you and laugh at you with your flaws. What if you’re inside a train and you felt something with yourself. You’re with your closest friends there and you decided to whisper it with the friend beside you? And with your shock, she tell the others. Ok, this is the story.

Me and my friends went in a mall. As ussual, it’s five of us. We ate, laugh and take photos everwhere. When we’re at the train, i whispered to my friend.

“I feel, i want to fart.”

Our reaction was like, what the fuck? But we laugh so hard, the two of us. Our other friends have no idea on what are we laughing at. Then suddenly, my friend whom i whispered told them about the fart. It’s like a party inside the train with our laughters.

I didn’t feel embarassed ’cause we are like sisters and for godsake, i didn’t fart. Nearly! Hahahaha. Now i lniw, next time, i won’t dare whisper my friends about farting. Hahaha

Family May Not Be Perfect But Love Makes It Perfect (Short Story)

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Sarah is a only  child. She was raised with fear to her mother and father. When she was a kid, every thing she do and everything she wants, she has to confide them. She’s so afraid that if she do something what she want and her parents finds out, they beat her. Everytime she make mistake, she expect a beating. That’s how she grew.

There are times, she wants to shout with anger but the fear of her is greater. She has no courage, no ability and no power to do so. She just sat down at the corner, cry with anger and resentnent. Wy? She always ask to herself.  Sometimes, she ask God why he give such a parents like them. If she has the choice to choose who her parents are, she definitely not choose them.

She promised herself, when she finish highschool, she will leave their home. She will find her freedom outside their home. The time comes. After graduating highschool, she leave not telling her parents. She lives with a friend far from their home. She  made herself try new things she doesn’t used to do. She drinks, smoke, stay all night in bars, date guys and she even tried drugs. In months, her life is a mess. There’s nothing good to tell about herself. The Sarah before is now far from the Sarah now. No direction and no life. She already forgot about her parents and how they are doing now.

In the other hand, her parents are going crazy in finding her. They asked about her to every person who new her but in no avail, no one knows where she is.  Her mother got ill. She felt so bad and so depressed when it’s already months but they can’t look for her. Her father never stop finding Sarah. He travelled in every town, trying his luck.

A YEAR PASS. Her mother pass away without her knowing. In her last breath, she’s looking for Sarah. She says sorry to Sarah. Her mother knows she’s not a good mom to her. Her father also got ill and already bed bound. He can’t even stand by himself for the toilet. His siblings are the one who takes good care of him. Sometimes, they become impatient. They get tired in taking care of him. They shout at the poor man. Days and days, the old man cried himself in silence. He pittied himself.

One day, Sarah is walking from a driends house. Someone called her name from afar. She stop to see who it was. It was a guy from their town. He knew her. The man told Sarah about what happened to her parents. At first, she didn’t believe. How her parents became like that? They are strong spirited people. Her anger to them came back to her. How she sufferd from them. She walks away from the guy.

She didn’t believed and didn’t cared. Sarah continue her life as ussual. Every night with friends drinking and amoking and evsn having drugs. Until one day, she accidentaly bumped with her cousin. One hard slap landed in her face. She blamed Sarah why her mother died and her father ill. She blamed her for her selfishness. She told Sarah everything happened when she leaves. That hits Sarah’s senses. She cried and cried. She wants to hurry home.

When she’s at the door step of their house, she can’t control the tears in her eyes. She miss this house. The house where she grew. She called for her father three times. She only hears a moan coming from her parents room. Ahe rushed to see who it is. Her father lying in the bed. He’s like a skeleton. Upon seing her father, she rushed beside him and cried and cried. Her father is so weak to stand or sit. He can’t move but Sarah saw the tears falling down his  cheek. She embrace him and telling him how sorry she is, leaving them behind. After the reconciliation, Sarah spent her money to bring her father to the doctor. His sickness is uncurable now. The doctor said, he can only live for a few weeks. Luckily, Sarah went home and spend time for her father. He can’t live long now but Sarah make sure she give all he needs. The resentment she felt for him and her mother fades away. Her love for them is now greater than her anger.

Why Does It’s So Hard To Start Excercising?

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There was this day when i told myself to do some excercise even just five minutes a day. The first two days, i was like so determined. I do push ups in the middle of my work, that makes me laugh anyway. When in my idle times, i ran around the house like an idiot, i plank on top of our carpet.

At first, i was like so happy with all the sweats coming out from my body. I was like, yey! I am so determined, really. The pain, i can handle at first but then, the other days, it gives me a killing and unbearable pain all over. So, i was like, what the fuck! I can’t continue anymore. I am back to my lazy self again.

It’s so easy to tell to yourself that you will do excercise but when the pain creeps in, you looses determination. That proves the word, “Easy to say but hard to do.” Why? Why like that? My head says i will but my body say i can’t.

But even so, i will excercise again, when i’m in the mood..

HAHAHA!! Fuck!